Single ladies finding the love of their life on the worldwide web seems to be a new trend. This asks for an elaborated test, so our editor decided to try out online dating herself.
Questions, questions and more questions. And absurdly detailled question list after the other. The questions go from ‘What is your favorite food’ to ‘Does he have to like your pets?’ Nothing gets left to the imagination.
After spending hours – no, I am not exaggerating – on answering the most absurde questions, I finally get a glimpse of the website. Yes! Now where can I find these hotties? I click on my ‘Matches of the day’. Oh my fucking god. I have never seen this much imbeciles show up in one list. They look like they just escaped an institution for mental disease. And that’s insulting to the mentally ill, not to my ‘potential partners’. My apologies, guys.
“He is single and looking… but already has a girlfriend.”
But there are exceptions, of course. I spy with my little eye… a blonde god of 27 who looks roughly like Chris Hemsworth. This demands further inspection. I click on his profile and scroll down while approving. Hobbies? Check! Place of residency? Nearby! Profession? Interesting! And then there it is: ‘I’m still a virgin’. Now that is something I really didn’t have to know. Next!
It takes a while to search between all these men with sexy nicknames (NOT!) like ‘supertongue’, bigdick’ and headlines like ‘show me what you’ve got’. But in the end I find an attractive young man with the same love for music and hobbies. And did I tell you he’s good looking as well? Rauwtch! The fine gentleman is single and looking… until I google his nickname and find out on Facebook that he’s in a relationship. And not the ‘I’m in a relationship because I don’t want other people to know that I’m single’ kind of relationship. He linked his profile with hers. Time to bail out!
“A worn out vacuum cleaner is more attractive.”
A few hours later, the first e-mails show up in my mailbox: ‘a member flirted with you’. At first I think it’s funny – men can flirt without once looking you in the eye these days. And it gets better: I receive e-mails saying he kissed me! I can’t seem to remember them, so they’re probably not that rememberable I find 50 of these e-mails in my mailbox after a few hours. I’ve had my laugh, the fun is over.
Some of these dating sites send me an e-mail every x notifications to say that I turn out to be very popular on their website and that they’ll stop mailing me for every single notification to avoid spam. I get a dozen of those mails in a couple of hours time. Not my idea of avoiding spam. But ok, to be honest, I feel wanted. Now at least my ego is satisfied.
…until I find out who these flirters really are. A worn out vacuum cleaner is still more attractive than these men. One by one they are older than my father – going from 47 tot 68 (!) years old. Growse.
But it’s 60 e-mails later, when they all start sending me private messages, that I’m totally done with it. ‘Bigdick’ wants to spoil me. I feel so lucky for not having this guy in front of me. I flee towards the delete button while I still can. But deleting my profile doesn’t make the flirty mails stop. It takes a week for the storm in my mailbox to calm down.
“The search for a sweetheart can be so much more fun… and less expensive!”
Ladies, beware. Unless you’re +45 years old, online dating may not be the best way to find yourself a sweetheart. Finding a lover on the world wide web can be depressing. After a while you might get the feeling that there is something wrong with you, because you are ‘still’ single, like those other creeps on datingsites. Online dating makes flirting – one of the funnest things about being single – horrible.
Finding a sweetheart can also be less expensive. You don’t have to pay 10 euros just to be able to talk to someone when you visit a bar. And getting to know someone is so much more fun when he’s sitting right in front of you.
Confident women better find themselves a lover at a bar, festival or even a train instead of hiding themselves behind their computerscreens – putting their thrust in something that is not much more than ones and zero’s. In case of online dating, most of all zero’s.
Did you have more success with online dating? Post your story below!